In this resource we discuss Adam Grant’s book Think Again where we explore the power of knowing what we don’t know and how we can apply this to our lives. This is the second resource in the series.
II. Interpersonal Rethinking
A. Ask Better Questions
10. Practice the art of persuasive listening. Seek to understand before being understood. Increase the question-to-statement ratio. 253 One tongue two ears
11. Question should start with how rather than why. When people describe why they hold extreme views they often intensify their commitment and double down. When they explain how they realize the limits of their understanding and start to temper their opinions. Why pulls us into judgment and proving. Think about the last time someone asked you “why did you do that?”
12. Ask “What evidence would change our mind?” we can’t bully someone into agreeing with us. We are culture that is dealing with bullying of kids. Do you ever wonder where that comes from. Could it be adults pushing our own way and being overbearing and even forceful in our approach could be contributing to this?
13. Ask how people originally formed an opinion. Many of our opinions, like our stereotypes, are arbitrary; we’ve developed them without rigorous data or deep reflection. Opinions are like noses and just because some are more prominent doesn’t mean they smell better.
This is so common in our culture today because we have so much exposure to information. It is key to do some digging of how people formed this information to begin with.
B. Approach Disagreements as Dances, Not Battles
14. Acknowledge common ground. A debate is like a dance, not a war. (If both parties are accepted and good exactly where they are then we can enjoy the dance and the missteps that will happen rather than trying to win. A good dance partner brings their own flavor to the dance.
15. Remember that less is often more. If we pile on too many different reasons to support our case, it can make our audiences defensive. Instead of diluting our argument, lead with a few of our strongest points. Keep it simple.
16. Reinforce freedom of choice. People often reject the feeling of being controlled. Autonomy is to be respected.
17. Have a conversation about the conversation. If emotions are running hot, try to redirect the process. Sometimes by expressing our disappointment and frustration and asking people if they share it can de escalate
