There are three little words that create big barricades in communication. These three little words not only are ineffective but also get in the way of meaningful progress in understanding one another. These three words are why, but and always or its counterpart never.
There are three little words that create big barricades in communication. These three little words not only are ineffective but also get in the way of meaningful progress in understanding one another. These three words are why, but and always or its counterpart never.
Why - This little three letter word is great for lawyers and interrogators but not for mutual partners. This expression creates a reactive, negative response when in marriage there needs to be a constant movement toward positive, proactive solutions. Anytime we are asking ‘why’ there is will be an immediate movement to self-defense by wer partner. The response will be one of defense not of openness. A good replacement for why questions are questions that begin with how. Why questions build walls, how questions build bridges.
But - The use of this little word is so important in communication. But is known as a subordinating conjunction in English and thus is used to make a previous statement less important. The placement of this word is what should be given attention. When we use this word in a sentence anything that precedes it is minimized or considered no longer important.
Never (Always) - These words have a tendency to polarize discussion. They place our partner on the opposite side of where we are. These words mean that our partner has to start with nothing. Although meant for emphasis these words really are about exaggeration. Starting with an extreme negative seldom (or maybe never) builds positive results. It is best to give some benefit of the doubt, some grace to build on.
“Communication works for those who work at it.” -John Powell-
